IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries people's weight has significantly increased while their level of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to solve this problem?

#countries #people #weight #level #health
Being overweight is a significant health concern. Adverse habits lead people to obesity, and it needs to be controlled to live a healthy life. The essay points out the two main reasons why people turn over-weight and how can we keep it under control.
Firstly
,
one
 of the prime reasons why people shoot up their weight is because of junk
food
. In today’s time, while everyone is running after money, they are ignoring the health effects of eating fast
food
. To save time, many choose street
food
 that harms our digestion system. Eating junk once in a while is still acceptable, but frequent consumption will lead to an increase in
body
 fats.
For example
, foods like fried chicken,
samosa
a constitutional monarchy on the western part of the islands of Samoa in the South Pacific
Samoa
, white bread, and French fries are very harmful to our
body
Suggestion
bodies
. If
one
 can limit the intake of outside
food
 and prefer home-cooked
food
 would prove a big step in cutting down
weight
Suggestion
the weight
. Home-cooked
food
 is not only
healthy but
Accept comma addition
healthy, but
also
 less harmful.
Secondly
, lack of physical activity complements the increase in mass. Whatever a
body
 consumes must be equivalently utilized. The
body
 will save all the energy
that is
 consumed and not used through physical exertion.
This
 excess mass is dreadful.
Furthermore
, all the people who are working
on
Suggestion
at
 a desk for a full day are less likely to perform physical tasks than their counterparts.
One
 should inculcate daily activity like running, jogging, and cycling to burn those extra calories. Going to the gym could be another option if
one
 can afford time and money. To conclude, I firmly believe that
one
 should adapt to healthy eating alongside daily physical activity to prevent going over their ideal BMI.
Submitted by Jigar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: