IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines

#people #medicines #acupuncture #benefit
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Traditional
medicine
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 is growing in popularity and many people are now using methods
such
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 as acupuncture and herbal medicines to maintain and strengthen their health. Many of those who have experienced traditional
medicine
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 believe that it is more effective than modern
medicine
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. I completely disagree with
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this points
Suggestion
this point
these points
 Modern
medicine
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 has many advantages over traditional medicines.
Firstly
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, modern
medicine
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 is fast and effective because drugs are designed to treat problems immediately.
On the other hand
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, traditional
medicine
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 is slow and does not work very well. Medical research shows that headache would go away after an hour from using drugs, while it would take longer hours for patients to use herbal remedies.
In addition
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, modern
medicine
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 is constantly being developed and improved,
such
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 as researching to find a cure for cancer, AIDS or other fatal diseases.
However
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, traditional
medicine
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 only uses old knowledge and techniques to treat patients.
Furthermore
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, it depends on natural ingredients like herbs and other plants that might disappear. Another important point is that modern
medicine
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 is strictly controlled by government to ensure high standards or quality. In Vietnam,
for instance
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, becoming a doctor or pharmacist, he/she need to study at medical universities at least seven years, whereas, anyone
also
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 can open their own traditional
medicine
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 clinics. Recent media report that some herbal medicines are ineffective by causing a detrimental impact on individuals using it. To sum up, traditional
medicine
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 relies on natural ingredients and does not work for everyone, while modern
medicine
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 is fast, safe and constantly renovated.
Thus
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, I believe that it is far better to maintain overall health.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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