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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some believe buildings should be built in a way that serves their purpose rather than just look beautiful. Others, however, say buildings should represent art too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
A part of the community believes that the exterior and interior designs of buildings are more important,
whereas
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 some people are focused on the sole purpose of building it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both agreements and state my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the whole idea of constructing a building is to serve a purpose. Buildings and houses are created to fulfil human needs.
For example
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, tall apartment complexes are made to provide accommodation to a large number of people within a small space. To fulfil their primary function, the apartment complex should be constructed with a solid base to withstand earthquakes and strong winds.
This
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 proves that the objective comes
first,
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whereas
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 the looks come next.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, designs should represent art too. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 the exterior or the interior designs are not that much creative, they should at least be visually appealing for users.
For example
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, the Sydney Opera House is considered one of the most beautiful modern buildings in the world. It is a famous art centre in Australia , and it is famous for its huge, white, shell-shaped roof.
In Addition
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, amusement parks are an ideal example to demonstrate both points. The whole point of building an amusement park is to entertain its customers. To do that, the constructions should be creative and attractive. Not only that, but
also
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 the structures should be built on a strong foundation , reaching a good quality to ensure the safety of people.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I think that the foremost concern should be the objective of constructing the building,
while
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 the next concern should be about the appearance of the building.

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task response
Make your own opinion stronger in the opening. Say from the start that buildings should first be safe and fit their use, but they should also look good when possible.
task response
Explain the link between beauty and use more fully. For example, a nice school, hospital, or office may make people feel calm, proud, or happy to use it.
task response
The Opera House example is good, but add one clear line about how it still serves its main use as a place for shows. This would show both ideas in the same example.
task response
Avoid saying designs are “not that much creative”. This weakens your point. You could say that even simple buildings can be pleasant and well planned.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea. In the second paragraph, the Opera House and amusement parks both fit, but explain the move between them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not put a comma after “Even though” when the next part is a full idea. Also, “In addition” should not have a capital letter in the middle of a sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are long and hold many ideas. Split them into two short sentences, especially in the amusement park example, so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view well. Make it a little more direct by saying that beauty is important, but it must never reduce safety or make a building less useful.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. Your main view is that use and safety should come first, then beauty.
task response
Your examples are useful and on topic. The apartment example shows why a building must be safe, and the Opera House example shows how a building can also be art.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “To sum up” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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