Some people say that a large amount of money and time is spent on the protection of wild animals, when it would be better spent on human population. To what extent do you agree with it?

In
this
day and age, an increasing number of animals have become endangered, so some claim that a considerable amount of
money
should not be invested in wildlife protection, and investment could bring more benefits when allocated to the human population. I am in line with
this
suggestion. It is indisputable that protecting those endangered species is of overriding importance, as those animals are valuable to both the environment and humanity. Some wild animals play a crucial niche in maintaining ecological equilibrium, and removing them could destroy the local environment swiftly.
For example
, being the predator on the Tibet Plateau, once the volume of snow leopards experiences a dramatic decline, the number of their prey(不可数) like Tibetan antelope will augment, and
this
decrease ultimately poses an irreversible threat to the local vegetation and
thus
the whole ecosystem.
Consequently
, the biodiversity of the globe will be negatively affected, and indigenous communities will face great challenges to stay in their previous lifestyles, which
also
threatens cultural diversity.
However
, though it is indisputable that the government should allocate funds to wild animal protection and actions like setting up preserves must be done, on no account can a country spend much
money
and time in
this
area and there are more vital aspects for a country’s development.
For instance
, governments should make more efforts in technological research to develop some eco-friendly resources like solar energy and optimize them to be more reliable and suitable to use in daily life. In
this
way, not only can the quality of citizens’ lives be improved, but less carbon dioxide will
also
be emitted and
thus
global warming will be curbed which could
also
protect those endangered species. In a nutshell, I put forward that governments should not spend a great deal of
money
and time in
this
area, as more benefits could be generated by investing that
money
in technology and humans. I suggest that they endeavour to elevate the conservation awareness of local people and increase their standards of life, which is a radical solution to protecting wild species.
Submitted by christianwang on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear argument with relevant examples, but the introduction and conclusion can be made more succinct and powerful by reiterating your main points briefly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraph transitions are smooth and logical connections are clear. The coherence may be improved by explicitly linking back to the main thesis in each paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay offers a balanced perspective and well-supported arguments, demonstrating great comprehension of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-maintained with clear main points in each paragraph, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to substantiate your arguments, particularly the example of the snow leopards and their ecological impact.

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