IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is thought by some that its is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#city #life #countryside
Many people believe that women make better parents than men and
that is
 why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.
parents
Suggestion
Parents
 are the
first
 human-being children have seen since they opened their eyes to life, they teach them how to walk, speak and other important things. Whether, women or men are more influential in the
children raising
Accept comma addition
children, raising
 process differ
people
Suggestion
peoples'
 opinions in favour and against.
this
Suggestion
This
 essay will discuss the importance of cooperation between parents in order to build a well-rounded child character.
To begin
, women have a significant impact on their children for many reasons, but the main reason is that mothers are an affectionate and fragile
creatures
Suggestion
creature
.
moreover they
Accept comma addition
Moreover, they
Moreover they
 will teach their children how to be kind and how to communicate correctly with people away from aggressiveness. To reflect from my personal experience, I can remember that day when my mum advised me that I should act more kindly in a particular situation. As a
consequence
Accept comma addition
consequence, this
this
 kind of wise orientation shaped my character and developed my thoughts.
In contrast
, figures in the society would never deny
men
Suggestion
man's
man
 role in
this
 raising process.
However
, the father is the bread-maker and he has
done
produced by a manufacturing process
made
 many
sacrifice
Suggestion
sacrifices
 to provide his family with
this
 convenient easy life.
For
instance his
Accept comma addition
instance, his
 struggle and efforts are invaluable, because he works hard
everyday
Suggestion
every day
 just to pay his
children
Suggestion
children's
child's
 school fees.
in
Suggestion
In
addition nobody
Accept comma addition
addition, nobody
 will do
such
 a thing for them.
in
Suggestion
In
 conclusion, women
has
Suggestion
have
 a great role in raising children,
its
it is
it's
 not more important than men contribution its equally the same.
in
Suggestion
In
 my opinion, both parents are respected for accomplishing their parental duties and
also
 for their sacrifices, efforts and the time they invest in education and raising children.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: