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Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of advertisements on TV aim at children. What are the effects of television advertising? Should television advertising be controlled?

#advertisements #tv #aim #children #effects #television
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There is an increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 below-the-line advertising whose main target is
children
 who could be negatively influenced if repetitively watching them over a short time. In my opinion, advertisements
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 on television should be put under close supervision of the authority. On the one hand,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is no doubt that adverts can have a number of harmful effects on
children
's behaviour and eating
habit
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habits
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. By showing these youngsters
with
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apply
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colourful animation of famous
toy
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toys
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 and comic characters, catchy sounds and jingles,
this
 type of TV
programs
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program
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 creates a desire
of
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for
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 them to become the owner
that
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of that
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 product.
Due to
the
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their
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 impressionable nature, these naive ones are going to put pressure on their parents to buy it for them until they can
finally
 put a hand on the advertised toy or food, etc. If the parents decide to give in to all of their son or daughter's demands, eventually, they will spoil the child. Another reason to be worried about is that most types of promoted food or drink,
such
 as
,
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apply
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 fast foods and soft drinks, are clearly not healthy and nourishing, yet can be irresistible to young people.
Consequently
, if
children
 start to consume a large amount of
this
 kind of food, it will increase the risk of catching physical illnesses,
for instance
, obesity, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, etc.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable the enormous benefits that advertising can generate to the companies
in particular
 and to the economy in general.
Nevertheless
, when it comes to the
well being
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well-being
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 and
metal
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mental
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 health of
young
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the young
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 generation, the government should strictly regulate which adverts can be shown to young TV watchers through the means of law and punishment.
For example
,
cigarette
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cigarettes
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 and
beverage
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beverages
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 must not be promoted by any kind of media, let alone television
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertisements
of
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for
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junk-food
Correct your spelling
junk food
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 and confectionery may only appear on channels
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 times a day. In conclusion, owing to the fact that television advertisements have a wide range of harm to
children
, they should be closely controlled by the government.
Submitted by linh on

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task response
Improve the overall task response by addressing all aspects of the essay prompt and fully developing each point.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing the essay in a more logical manner, using clear transition words, and fully developing ideas in each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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