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Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is now one of the most famous forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What is the reason? Is it positive or negative

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason
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A multitude of
young
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the young
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 populace in numerous nations considers shopping as one of the most
sough-after
Correct your spelling
sought-after
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medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
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 in spare
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is gaining momentum
due to
Linking Words
 the easy access to products. I firmly believe that it has a detrimental effect on individuals. To embark on, nowadays, youths resort to purchasing products in their free
time
Use synonyms
 owing to the availability of goods. With the opening up of new shopping avenues,
such
Linking Words
 as malls and supermarkets, youngsters are at ease to drive
at
Change preposition
to
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such
Linking Words
 destinations and indulge in casual
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the advent of online shopping, the young generation finds it quite convenient to glance at articles, and if they find it attractive or useful,
then
Linking Words
 they buy it without any qualms. Most of the adolescents could be seen hooked on to shopping portals,
such
Linking Words
 as Amazon, Flipkart, and Myntra, during
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
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 period. Shopping used to be a necessity;
however
Linking Words
, in the present era, it seems to be deleterious. Youths are getting trapped in a hobby
that is
Linking Words
 unproductive in nature; it is merely
squandering
Correct article usage
a squandering
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 and financial resources.
Although
Linking Words
 shopping rejuvenates an individual, it does not bear fruit in terms of knowledge. A person could not attain any merit for future prospects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters are becoming
shopaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
shopaholics
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. It has been elucidated in an editorial in The Times magazine that youths are addicted to
this
Linking Words
 damaging practice of shopping. Youngsters procure a sense of pleasure and satisfaction
while
Linking Words
 shopping and they surrender themselves to
this
Linking Words
 activity whenever they feel the urge. To recapitulate,
while
Linking Words
 shopping is one of the famous
pass
Correct your spelling
pastimes
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time
Use synonyms
 for today’s youth
due to
Linking Words
 readily available products, it is
fruitless
Correct article usage
a fruitless
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 business.

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure to address all parts of the prompt, including discussing both the reasons for shopping as a leisure activity for young adults and evaluating whether it is positive or negative. Provide a balanced view in your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on improving the structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Also, strengthen the introduction and conclusion to provide a more cohesive argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Marketing strategies
  • E-commerce
  • Proliferation
  • Socializing
  • Self-expression
  • Identity formation
  • Materialism
  • Instant gratification
  • Trendy
  • Leisure activity
  • Frequent purchases
  • Accessible
  • Convenient
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