IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries the unemployment is high, therefore some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education because they cannot find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #people #children #study #education #jobs
Nowadays, unemployment is one of the rising concerns in few nations.
This
 has led some people to believe that children should not complete secondary
education
 and start working as soon as they finish primary
education
.
This
 essay will discuss that why I completely disagree with
this
 proposition because attaining minimum qualification is the
first
 step to become eligible for a job. The main reason why children should at least finish secondary
education
 is because it is one of the most basic requirements for getting hired and not completing high school will only diminish their chances.
For instance
, according to LinkedIn, one of the most popular networking and job boards, around seventy percent job postings state that applicants must have a secondary school degree.
Therefore
, in order to get employed, children must focus on their studies and thrive to graduate.
Furthermore
, completing a higher
education
 is no mere feat; it requires a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance. All these qualities are important to have, not only they help children to grow as a person, but
also
, prepare them for the future challenges they might face while working in a company or running their own business.
This
 is why
instead
 of worrying about unemployment and some people have to say about it, children should aim to get a degree.
This
 reason has
further
 bolstered the fact that completing secondary school is necessary. To conclude,
this
 essay discussed why completing a secondary
education
 is extremely essential for getting employed and people who think children should straightforward work after attaining primary
education
 have a flawed understanding about the reasons behind rising unemployment. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the idea of children dropping out of schools just after finishing primary
education
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational knowledge
  • critical thinking
  • specialized skills
  • employment markets
  • skilled labor
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • perpetuate
  • cycles of poverty
  • education-to-employment pathways
  • personal development
  • societal progress
  • efficient education systems
  • economic policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: