IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is a huge controversy between
people
Use synonyms
 especially sociologists about the immigration of
people
Use synonyms
 with high-demand
jobs
Use synonyms
 from their primary
country
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that every individual after graduation should stay in his or her
country
Use synonyms
 in order to serve society.
This
Linking Words
 opinion is more acceptable to me.
However
Linking Words
, others state that we should let every person decide for his or her life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe the main reasons for both of these views.
Body paragraph 1
On the one side, some
people
Use synonyms
 state that experts in any occupation should stay in their host
country
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, the departure of experts from their region will cause a lack of educated
people
Use synonyms
 in their
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Iran,
due to
Linking Words
 the exile of talented
people
Use synonyms
 with highly demanded
jobs
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 suffers from a lack of intelligent doctors, engineers, lawyers and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the immigration of well-educated individuals from their place will cause a decrease in population.
In other words
Linking Words
, every nation needs labour forces and employees for construction and some works like that. without these
people
Use synonyms
, authorities are forced to bring some workers from overseas.
Body paragraph 2
On the other side, I agree with some
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that with the departure of citizens with high-demand
jobs
Use synonyms
, their
country
Use synonyms
`s environment won`t be crowded.
Also
Linking Words
, there will be more places in public areas for roaming around and they will get rid of traffic congestion.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will get rid of bleak landscapes and their
country
Use synonyms
`s spectacular scenery.
For example
Linking Words
, in Rudehen, the city`s landscape has been improved after a drop in its population.
Conclusion
In conclusion, immigration of high-class citizens with popular
jobs
Use synonyms
 from their host
country
Use synonyms
 has both negative effects
such
Linking Words
 as lack of labour forces and well-educated
people
Use synonyms
 and positive impacts like making cities less crowded. But in my view, its merits can easily dominate its obstacles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
To achieve a better structure in your essay, organize your paragraphs more effectively. Begin with an introductory statement, followed by paragraphs that clearly address both sides of the argument with separate headings, and conclude with a summarizing paragraph reflecting your opinion. This clarity in structure enhances the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that you cover all aspects of the task more evenly. Your essay tends to focus more on one view than the other. Aim for a more balanced discussion that gives equal weight to both sides of the argument, including a clear explanation of your own opinion and how it is supported by the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs more smoothly. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments. Also, ensure that each main point is adequately supported by specific examples or reasons, which will add depth to your argumentation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: