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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people believe if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
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Citizen’s aging problems become serious social issues,
thus
 some governments issue some new policies to reduce the pressure on paying pensions, which the most common one is allowed people to work after the original retirement age. In my opinion,
this
 measure might solve certain financial problems from governments, but will create other social problems.
Firstly
,
this
 phenomenon could take away numerous young people’s opportunities of work. The number of jobs which provided via the society is almost constant during a short-term period, because when old employees who delay retirement, which means these jobs will be available for fresh graduates in a few years later, especially, it would affect the high skills requirement kinds of jobs.
For example
, architectural design enterprises are often trying to hold their old employees as long as possible, because they accumulated a lot of knowledge and experience.
Therefore
, the unemployment rate of youth might rise and add some unstable elements to societies.
On the other hand
, it could increase the operating cost of businesses. The length of service is an important factor for human resources setting a salary structure, so the old usual gain a much higher income than the new.
For example
, a worker might get $30 per hour on the
first
 day of his career, and he could get $100 per hour after 30 years, that could be a big pressure on some manufacturer or service provider because there is no a big skill gap of jobs between the young and old. According to the reverses view that young people not only reduce the labour cost, but
also
 become the new blood join to the group and develop the industries. In conclusion,
although
 a delay of retirement could transfer a part of financial problems from the government to individual and companies, it will create some new troubles to the society.
Submitted by maxchong1984 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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