In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.
One of the most controversial issues today relates to the movement away from friends and
families
that can help people
find their jobs. Personally, I strongly disagree with this
belief and this
essay will feature some reasons explaining my own view.
One of the strongest arguments against migrating to other cities and living far from families
and friends of the individuals in order to find their
jobs can be ascribed to feeling homesickness and loneliness. The main reason for believing Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
is that when the citizens suffer from a large amount of pressure from their companies, nobody will be beside them and comfort the feeling. Moreover
, when people
get sick, they have to take care of themselves as well as
processing refreshments. Therefore
, the stress will rise more often because no one beside to support them when they have difficulties in their lives.
A further
point which needs to be considered is the lack of care for the children whose parents
have to leave their homes to work in other cities. These children have to stay with their parents
’ relatives when they are too young because their parents
have to earn money to pay for their children’s necessities such
as education and health problems. As a consequence
, the youngsters will not perfectly educate
Wrong verb form
educated
as well as
gain love from their parents
when they are young. Furthermore
, this
will create a generation gap such
as disagreements between parents
and children when they grow up.
There are, however
, some arguments that support resettling in other cities of people
to serve the purpose of finding a consistent job and leaving their families
and friends. The most typical of these is the opportunities to develop themselves. There are a number of companies that employ workers with high salaries because they know how to appoint potential guys. Additionally
, when people
work in good conditions can help them increase their value and contribute their own opinions to perfectly improve the product. For example
, individuals who are working in difficult conditions and repeating processes will prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
them
from looking for innovations in their jobs and that will make them feel bored. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
can result in the fact that people
can improve their finances and support their families
in dealing with different problems namely houses and health disease.
In conclusion, I tend to believe that this
is a good trend. People
should work in places which are suit for their conditions.Submitted by [email protected] on
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introduction conclusion
Work on ensuring that your introduction clearly presents a balanced view or your stance effectively. The introduction should also summarize the main points to be discussed in the essay.
logical structure
The logical progression of your ideas can be improved by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases to help the reader better follow your arguments.
relevant specific examples
While you have provided some good examples, aim to incorporate more specific details or case studies to strengthen your arguments and provide a fuller picture.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have offered some clear, comprehensive ideas that demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
supported main points
The use of relevant examples, such as the stress of being away from family and the potential for financial improvement, helps to support your main points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example