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Band 4.5

Culture is turning similar around the world. What are the reasons. What are the positive and negative aspects.

#culture #world #aspects
With
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modernization, the culture throughout the globe
is appearing
Wrong verb form
appears
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 identical to the
people
. It has often
debated
Add a missing verb
been debated
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 that
this
 trend affects the traditions of a nation
while
 others believe that its positive sides are propitious to the community. The essay will highlight the causes of the trend followed by benefits to the public and authorities with relevant examples. The first and foremost reason is that
people
 are migrating to other
countries
 for education and career opportunities. They follow and respect the cultures and behaviours of the new country.
For instance
, in the technological era, students want to pursue higher certification in specialized universities, they even apply
in
Change preposition
to
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 abroad universities.
Thus
, after completing
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
, they prefer to settle in a new country.
Furthermore
, immigrants celebrate migrated country festivals with
same
Add an article
the same
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 enthusiasm. I believe there are several benefits of cultural and traditional similarities all over the world.
Firstly
,
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 development of the community will improve with the increase in businesses with other nations having similar trends.
People
 across the globe share the same fashion, food, and other area of interest.
Secondly
, developed
countries
 will invest in foreign exchanges with the diversity of their culture in the world.
Therefore
,
people
Change noun form
people's
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 will improve with the advent of new
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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as well as
 by adopting multicultural skills.
To conclude
, in my opinion, similarities in culture across the world will be advantageous to the individual nation
along with
 other
countries
. Cultural diversity differences will be reduced, which will be supportive for an individual living in a foreign nation.
Moreover
, globalization will enhance the economic growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
 by creating international trade business and other employment options.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly summarize the main points of your essay and provide a clear sense of closure to your reader. Use topic sentences and transitions to connect ideas throughout the essay for improved coherence and cohesion.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from providing a more comprehensive response with deeper analysis of the reasons and impacts of cultural similarity around the world. Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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