IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Culture is turning similar around the world. What are the reasons ? What are the negative and positive aspects?

#culture #world #aspects
In the past few years, globalization has grown at a rapid rate. As compared to the older times, now
people
 have started imitating each other style and festivals too are becoming common.
This
 can be considered as a positive change
due to
 a plethora of reasons,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are some demerits too. The first and foremost reason behind
this
 is
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 number of multinational organizations.
For instance
,
people
 working in
such
 industries, travel to many countries,
thus
 they start following other nations' traditions.
Secondly
, technology has
also
 played a paramount role in
this
 trend. To illustrate, in today's age and time, other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 products can be easily bought
while
 sitting at home.
Hence
,
people
 are inclined to other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. There are several benefits of having a similar culture across the world. One of the chief
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
 is that it is easy to relocate to the other country. In old
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
,
people
 feared to move to another nation
due to
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in living style. Another benefit is that there will be less discrimination on the basis of language and residency.
However
, there are apparent reasons why some
people
 do not find it advantageous.
Firstly
, it will impact tourism
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many countries as tourists visit foreign
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 just to experience different cultures, so if there
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 similar
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 around the world
then
 there will be no point left
to visit
Change preposition
in visiting
show examples
 others. In conclusion, growing similarities across the world is good for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
as well as
 nations. It is always beneficial to adopt good things from others, but one should not forget their roots.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the question prompt thoroughly. Include comprehensive and relevant details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically and cohesively throughout the essay. Use appropriate linking words and transitions to connect ideas effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: