Some people say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age #work

Nowadays, our life span has been greatly extended in comparison to the past thanks to various healthcare innovations,

thus

, some people believe that it is a must to significantly increase in the retirement

age

. In my opinion, extend the working

age

may

proves

Suggestion

prove

to be beneficial but, it

also

leads to some issues. Initiating with the positive ways generally grey masses get retirement at

age

of 60 considering them senior citizen.

However

, they are the one with high experience and could be utilized in better ways as some countries employ retired persons as advisors which utilize their lifelong experience.

Furthermore

, there are some situations where retired people start thinking themselves useless as they get their pension and they

does not have

Suggestion

do not have

any thing

an indefinite thing

anything

to do

so these

Accept comma addition

so, these

measure

Suggestion

measures

may eliminate

this

problem

also

employ

Suggestion

employing

them where they may get income source and may pass their

time

Although

, following the procedure

may

Suggestion

may also be

also

is good in itself as companies need youth staff that can be

migrate

Suggestion

migrated

as per company needs and by replacing older masses with new motivated staff may change the growth rate

Accept space

Additionally

, at

certain

Suggestion

a certain age

age

, aged people

does not harmonize

Suggestion

do not harmonize

themself

reflexive form of "them"

themselves

with new technology and work as per older ways which may slow down the process. With all

this

Accept space

after working

from

Suggestion

for

a long

time

, one should get some rest and spend quality

time

with their family so

this

proves to be golden family

time

for them

Accept space

To encapsulate, it could be said with

incresed

made greater in size or amount or degree

increased

life span

Accept space

an increase in the retirement

age

could be increased for utilizing

experince but

Accept comma addition

experience, but

experience but

there are some

age

factors too which could not be ignored while thinking about the same.

Submitted by marwahesha00 on Wed Sep 11 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It has been argued that we are living in a throw-away society in which people throw away what they use in daily life, instead of recycling or reusing it. Why has this happened and how can we address this problem?

Some people think that becoming popular through TV or Internet makes ordinary people happy. To what extent do you agree with the statement? What other things make modern people happy?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?