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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age #work
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Nowadays, our life span has been greatly extended in comparison to the past thanks to various healthcare innovations,
thus
Linking Words
, some people believe that it is a must to significantly increase in the retirement
age
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, extend the working
age
Use synonyms
 may
proves
Suggestion
prove
 to be beneficial but, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to some issues. Initiating with the positive ways generally grey masses get retirement at
age
Use synonyms
 of 60 considering them senior citizen.
However
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, they are the one with high experience and could be utilized in better ways as some countries employ retired persons as advisors which utilize their lifelong experience.
Furthermore
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, there are some situations where retired people start thinking themselves useless as they get their pension and they
does not have
Suggestion
do not have
any thing
an indefinite thing
anything
 to do
so these
Accept comma addition
so, these
measure
Suggestion
measures
 may eliminate
this
Linking Words
 problem
also
Linking Words
 by
employ
Suggestion
employing
 them where they may get income source and may pass their
time
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, following the procedure
may
Suggestion
may also be
also
Linking Words
 is good in itself as companies need youth staff that can be
migrate
Suggestion
migrated
 as per company needs and by replacing older masses with new motivated staff may change the growth rate
.
Accept space
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, at
certain
Suggestion
a certain age
age
Use synonyms
, aged people
does not harmonize
Suggestion
do not harmonize
themself
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
 with new technology and work as per older ways which may slow down the process. With all
this
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,
Accept space
,
 after working
from
Suggestion
for
 a long
time
Use synonyms
, one should get some rest and spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family so
this
Linking Words
 proves to be golden family
time
Use synonyms
 for them
.
Accept space
.
 To encapsulate, it could be said with
incresed
made greater in size or amount or degree
increased
 life span
,
Accept space
,
 an increase in the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 could be increased for utilizing
experince but
Accept comma addition
experience, but
experience but
 there are some
age
Use synonyms
 factors too which could not be ignored while thinking about the same.
Submitted by marwahesha00 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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