IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
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On
this
Linking Words
 point
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we could see the statistics of multiple enquiries received in certain city
Tourist
Use synonyms
 Information
Office
Use synonyms
 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half a year in 2011. It is obvious from the data given from the diagram that the most unpopular way for people trying to connect
Tourist
Use synonyms
 Information
office
Use synonyms
 was
writing
Change preposition
by writing
show examples
 an email. People who are using
this
Linking Words
 type of communication with
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
liked
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 winter
Use synonyms
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 from January to February more to plan their holidays. We can see numbers which talking us that they are calling from 800 to 650 times a
month
Use synonyms
 till March and
then
Linking Words
 just falling lower and lower
stopped
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 on nearly 370 calls a
month
Use synonyms
. Opposite, the most popular way to call the
Tourist
Use synonyms
Office
Use synonyms
 was
meeting
Change preposition
by meeting
show examples
travel
Correct article usage
a travel
show examples
 agent in
person
Use synonyms
. The number of
such
Linking Words
customers
Use synonyms
 was growing exponentially from January to June 2011.
This
Linking Words
 type of people was more loyal to
plan
Wrong verb form
planning
show examples
 their trips in Spring or Summer
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 we can see represented by 1200 to 1900 meetings
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
placed in
office
Use synonyms
 from April to June. Only the
second
Linking Words
 place
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
took the telephone type of communication. For the
all reviewed
Add a hyphen
all-reviewed
show examples
 period there were many more phone calls than emails, but a little bit
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 than meetings in
person
Use synonyms
.
From
Change preposition
Of
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three types of communications, enquiries received by telephone were the most homogenous
distributed
Correct word choice
and distributed
show examples
 in time. There were not
such
Linking Words
 leaps as
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 meeting numbers. These
customers
Use synonyms
 were active quite often. But as the
customers
Use synonyms
 who talked with travel
agent
Fix the agreement mistake
agents
show examples
 personally, they
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferred
warm
Correct article usage
a warm
show examples
Use synonyms
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 to plan their holidays
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can see comparing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
800 to 1000 calls from January to April 2011 to numbers increasing to 1600 calls a
month
Use synonyms
 from April to June. In conclusion, we can say that there were more
customers
Use synonyms
 that were interested in
tourist
Use synonyms
 information for Spring and summer months than winter months and most of
enquiries
Add an article
the enquiries
show examples
 were received by phone or in
person
Use synonyms
, not by letter or email.
Submitted by wav.tatarskii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourist, office, month, person, customers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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