IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system? Why do you think it is so? How can it be solved.

#transport #system #funds
Nowadays, urban areas are growing
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fast pace,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 governments invest a lot of money in the
transport
network
 of the cities,
while
 rural areas receive less funds for
this
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss what kinds of issues are associated with it and probable solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. Owing
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 problem of funding in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rural
transport
 sector, lack of funds means
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
road
 infrastructure, which
is apparently leads
Change the verb form
apparently leads
show examples
 to
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of a certain area.
This
 is because a good
road
network
 is absolutely necessary for any kind of construction and development.
In addition
, we can observe impassable roads and not enough public
transport
 in the country. Frankly speaking, a
road
network
 so poor, it is “not fit to support the rural economy’.
As a result
, country dwellers feel “left behind” and “
of
Change preposition
off
show examples
 the radar” with
absence
Add an article
the absence
an absence
show examples
 of public services and attention from the government towards their issues.
However
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 ways to tackle the problems associated with the limited availability of public
transport
 in areas facing remoteness. First and foremost, authorities should increase the budget for funding of rural transportation system. The second step will be
addition
Add an article
the addition
an addition
show examples
 of paved roads to
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
road
network
 in
such
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 are connected to strategic points for survival
such
 as hospitals, schools, shops,
churches
Correct word choice
and churches
show examples
 and make them accessible for the
major
Correct your spelling
majority
show examples
 of
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
As well as
this
, a bus fleet of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
 should be increased and new bus routes should be added. These measures will help country people to improve their quality of life, seeing the development of the area will encourage local habitats to stay in villages, and the economy of the region will
be inevitably grow
Change the verb form
inevitably grow
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
 system of
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
 sector should not be neglected by the government and it should be sufficiently funded as
road
Add an article
the road
show examples
network
 is
fundamental
Add an article
a fundamental
show examples
 part of regional
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth and sustainable development.
Submitted by prabhpreet3.pp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Please provide a more detailed analysis of the issues and solutions presented. Your essay lacks clarity and coherence. The structure of your essay needs improvement, and the ideas are not consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay should address the prompt more comprehensively and thoroughly. Ensure that the issues and solutions are clearly and explicitly discussed, and support your ideas with relevant examples and evidence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: