In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people

#countries #people #population #government #society

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

While

Linking Words

some argue that the increased longevity of people In most countries presents several

challenges

Use synonyms

, others contend that It offers numerous advantages. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

does pose significant

challenges

Use synonyms

for

healthcare

Use synonyms

systems and resources. As the number of elderly individuals grows, there Is an increased demand for

healthcare

Use synonyms

services, including long-term care and specialized treatments.

This

Linking Words

can result In overcrowding in hospitals, longer wait times

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and higher

healthcare

Use synonyms

costs for both Individuals and governments.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

has Implications for social welfare systems. With more people retiring, there are fewer individuals contributing to social security and pension funds.

This

Linking Words

creates a financial strain on the working-age

population

Use synonyms

and may lead to increased taxes or reduced benefits for retirees.

Therefore

Linking Words

, It is crucial to balance the needs and resources across different generations to ensure the sustainability and effectiveness of

healthcare

Use synonyms

and social welfare programs in the face of an

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are those who argue that tapping into the

wisdom

Use synonyms

and knowledge of older generations Is beneficial.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint. In today's complex and multifaceted world, many

challenges

Use synonyms

cannot be solved solely by relying on established

wisdom

Use synonyms

. It is

Important

Fix capitalization

important

show examples

to recognize and harness the power and creativity of the new generation. They bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the table, unburdened by the limitations of traditional

wisdom

Use synonyms

. Their ability to think outside the box and approach problems from different angles can lead to breakthrough solutions that may have

otherwise

Linking Words

been overlooked. Relying solely on the

wisdom

Use synonyms

of others can limit our adaptability and hinder our ability to find novel solutions to complex problems. Embracing the contributions of the new generation fosters a culture of innovation and progress, ultimately leading to a more dynamic and successful society. In conclusion, the potential

challenges

Use synonyms

posed by an

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

healthcare

Use synonyms

and social welfare systems are outweighed by the benefits of embracing the contributions of the new generation. Balancing the contributions and needs of different generations is vital for a sustainable and thriving society

Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on Tue Apr 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To further enhance task achievement, incorporating a wider range of specific examples and demonstrating the impacts of aging populations through detailed analysis would strengthen your argument and provide more depth to your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transition between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Use varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.

Task Achievement

The essay successfully addresses the task by presenting a clear position that the advantages of an aging population outweigh the disadvantages, followed by well-structured arguments to support this view.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both effectively crafted, clearly stating the essay's position and summarizing the main arguments, which helps in reinforcing the overall stance of the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, effectively organizing ideas into paragraphs that each focus on specific aspects of the argument. This enhances the readability and persuasiveness of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Ageing population
Pension systems
Healthcare demand
Workforce demographics
Life expectancy
Economic productivity
Intergenerational relationships
Cultural heritage
Social services
Government spending
Skills gap
Public services
Cultural enrichment
Seniority advantage
Elder care
Demographic shift

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
As a part of their education, many students work at a company for a short period of time without a salary. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this?
in this modern world, there are a lot of students working in the company for short period of time without a salary part of program education this now. I see regulation that has several positive benefits which is to must become solution for some student.
7
band
Some people think the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Decades ago, getting a college degree was perceived as the only route to a successful career, significantly boosting one’s chances of securing a high-paying job. However, with rising tuition costs and an increasing demand for practical skills from employers, some argue that entering the workforce directly and gaining hands-on experience might be a better option. I agree with this perspective, as it is a more practical and financially sensible approach nowadays.
7.5
band
Some people believe that air travelshould be restricted because it causes serious pollution and up the world's fuel resources. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is controversial that restrictions on the use of flights are necessary since they harm the environment and consume the global resources of fuel. I partially agree with this view, for the increasing amount of contaminated air as well as the severe shortage of petrol regardless of the fact that air travel has played a significant role in boosting the number of foreign tourists.
6.5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Endeavor is the golden key to success. In some countries, children might receive this message that if they try hard, their efforts will finally pay off and achieve their purposes. This approach might have some upsides and downsides that will be examined in this essay.
8
band
These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The issue of whether to spend one’s hard-earned wages on attending expensive football, rugby or baseball matches or other exclusive diversions as opposed to using it more wisely and prudently has become a matter of concern for many. Critics argue that such frivolity is a misuse of precious funds however, I personally believe the opposite. This essay will discuss why the benefits of attending sports or cultural occasions are worth more than the actual ticket price by using examples taken from the Harvard Business Review and the Woodstock Festival.

In many countries, people now living longer than before some people say that the aging population creates several problems for the government while others argue that there are benefits if society has more elderly people

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As a part of their education, many students work at a company for a short period of time without a salary. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this?

Some people think the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that air travelshould be restricted because it causes serious pollution and up the world's fuel resources. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?