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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
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It is believed by some people that giving opportunity to people to involve in the official
work
 after their
age
 of 60 will create many problems. In my opinion, I completely agree that allowing adults to do a
job
 after 60 years will have detrimental effects on the fresh graduates, company’s advancement and productivity. The
first
 and foremost problem, which will
raise
move upward
rise
 due to the employment of over aged people is that new graduates will not find a
job
 easily.
In other words
, vacancy for an employee will not be circulated because of holding the position by
old
Suggestion
older
 employees.
For example
, in Japan 80%
job
 positions are held by the 60-65 years employees, which is creating problem for graduates to get a suitable
job
.
Moreover
, intensity of unemployment will increase, which will have a negative impact on the economy.
Secondly
, people should not be permitted after 60 years because they will not be well known about the latest policies, methods, technical tools and technologies, which are mandatory to run a company smoothly.
In other words
, their education and knowledge will become outdated at the
age
 of 60 whereas can be benefited by employing new generation’s up-to-date skills and knowledge.
Finally
, after the
age
 of 60 most people suffer from different types of diseases
such
 as diabetics, asthma, arthritis, which will deter them to
work
 effectively and efficiently.
In other words
,
productivity
Suggestion
the productivity
 of a company will hamper because of having many sick old employees.
As a result
,
company
Suggestion
the company
companies
 will make a financial loss, which is not desirable to any company’s management.
Therefore
, people who want to
work
 after the
age
 of 60, should not be allowed. In conclusion, lots of problems will be created in the young generations’ employment,
company’s growth
Suggestion
the company’s growth
 and efficiency so adults should not be allowed to
work
 after the
age
 of 60.
Submitted by shawlin90 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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