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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people feel this is a positive trend while some people feel this is leading to a negative consequences. Discuss both the side and give your opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences #side
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Some people believe that computers might have a positive impact on education;
in contrast
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, they possibly cause detrimental effects in society entirely.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay aims to articulate the aforementioned issues and provide my personal ideas about them.
To begin
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 with, the advanced gadgets have performed in a stunning way to level up citizen's education.
Additionally
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, we do not fail to appreciate that young people, specifically the new generation, are smarter than the older ones.
For example
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, they are able to speak English fluently at 7 years old,
whereas
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this
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 achievement was hard to land on by the ancient community.
As a result
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, in a nutshell, evidence, computers have successfully contributed to toddlers' English skills by providing an online platform.
On the other hand
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, some run-of-the-mill people reckon the detrimental issues after spending a lot of time in front of the computer,
such
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 as eye diseases.
For instance
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, based on the data, over 70% of teenagers have suffered from eye cancer because they are over-exposure to UV light daily.
Moreover
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, a doctor gave a notion that human eyes are only able to deal with light for about four hours;
however
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, literally, the lovers utilize it over five hours a day.
Consequently
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, the technology tends to stimulate a negative effect when it is utilized inappropriately.
To sum up
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, the public definitely brings up two different perspectives about the technology, encompassing pros and cons.
Nonetheless
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, my take on
this
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, I personally consider that it actually introduces a superb world to obtain a book of knowledge more easily than before.
Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify your position from the beginning and maintain a clear stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and precise examples that directly relate to the points being discussed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using complex or uncommon phrases that might confuse the reader; simplicity can sometimes be more effective.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear effort to discuss both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a basic structure for the essay.
task achievement
The use of examples, even if slightly inaccurate, shows an effort to substantiate points made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Interactive learning
  • Democratization of education
  • Overreliance
  • Screen time
  • Cognitive development
  • Multimedia resources
  • Virtual classrooms
  • Social isolation
  • Physical health concerns
  • Adaptive learning technologies
  • Information accessibility
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