Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your experience.
A portion of society believes that children must do educational
activities
in their leisure time
instead
of wasting time
on unproductive activities
. I am totally disagree
with Change the verb form
totally disagree
this
statement. I will give the reasons and example
in upcoming paragraphs.
To start with, First of all , leisure Fix the agreement mistake
examples
activities
are just for rejuvenate
our mind and bodyWrong verb form
rejuvenating
,
and Remove the comma
apply
get
relaxation after spending Wrong verb form
getting
great
amount of Add an article
a great
time
on
studying in the classroom. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, if children spend their leisure time
while
doing educational Correct word choice
apply
activities
, they will end up to become
study Change the verb form
becoming
worm
. Fix the agreement mistake
worms
As a consequence
, they will have more health hazards such
as bad posture, and it will hinder their physical growth which plays a crucial role in their study. As it always
said Add a missing verb
is always
that
a healthy mind stays in a healthy man.
Correct word choice
apply
Additionally
, by doing productive activities
all the Fix the agreement mistake
time
times
, pupils could Fix the agreement mistake
time
distract
from their families and culture. Wrong verb form
be distracted
Childer
need to be aware Correct your spelling
Children
about
their culture and moral values. Not spending enough Change the preposition
of
time
with their parents by
their offspring could Change preposition
apply
lead to
become a bad citizen and they could get fed up Verb problem
apply
of
studying. To exemplify, one of my uncle's Change preposition
with
son
was doing educational Fix the agreement mistake
sons
activities
All the time
, even in his free time
, their parents was
sending him Change the verb form
were
for taking
extra classes to get higher marks in his Change preposition
to take
study
. Fix the agreement mistake
studies
As a result
, his physical growth Has hindered
, as he was not getting enough Add a missing verb
been hindered
time
for physical growth.
To sum up
, I would say, Childer
should spend their free Correct your spelling
children
time
on
playing games and Change preposition
apply
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
time
with the
families in order to be healthy and be a good member of society. Change the word
their
Otherwise
, there could be some bad consequences of doing educational activities
all the time
.Submitted by jassijaspreet153 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity and maintain strong coherence, consider varying your sentence structures more. This will add complexity and sophistication to your essay.
task achievement
While your essay provides a clear position throughout, refining the introduction to more explicitly state this position could further strengthen your argument from the outset.
general
Consider integrating a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more vividly. This will enrich your expression and help you engage more effectively with the reader.
task achievement
You have successfully maintained a clear position throughout the essay, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Inclusion of personal examples to support your points enriches your argument, making it relatable and convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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