IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or a bad thing?

#countries #children #school #law #work
Children, below the age of 16, are not permitted to work full
time
 at the expense of
school
, as per laws in some countries. In my opinion, studying at
school
 is more important for students under 16 as compared to engaging in a full-
time
 job as personal development and a secured
future
 is possible with studying at a young age. With regards to the development of efficient qualities in an individual,
children especially
Accept comma addition
children, especially
 under 16 years, should spend
time
at
Suggestion
in
school
 rather than working full
time
. The reason for
this
 is that
school
 education will allow them to carve out their talent, so that they can choose a carrier based on personal interest.
This
 ability to opt for interest-driven carrier is only possible with
school
 education and not with the full-
time
 job.
Moreover
, education at a young age will help children develop into an independent adult later.
Furthermore
, getting involved in a full-
time
 work exposes students below 16 to exploitation. Children under 16, being naive, might be made to engage in hard manual labour.
This
 is a serious issue which could impair a child’s
future
, and the government, taking measures and legal actions to prevent
such
 exploitation of children is an essential step towards securing their
future
. Another reason for banning under 16 pupils from working full
time
 is that,
although
 the payment for the work may attract pupils
initially but
Accept comma addition
initially, but
 it will jeopardize their
future
 when they have limited
carrier
the particular occupation for which you are trained
career
 options to choose from. To conclude, I believe that government should protect children, under 16, from full-
time
 job and ensure their attendance at
school
.
Submitted by jchain22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: