Social media is popular and used by many people. However, some people think that social media can be bad for mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is undeniable that social
media
plays an essential role in this
contemporary world. However
, plenty of people think that social media
has a detrimental effect on mental health. In my opinion, I agree with this
statement.
On the one hand, it is undoubted that social media
is a valuable tool to keep in touch with families and friends, especially when we are not able to meet in person since living in different places. For example
, students studying abroad are able to communicate and connect with their loved ones by making video calls or posting on social media
platforms such
as Facebook or Instagram. As a result
, they not only stay connected with their families but also
receive support in case of any
emergency. Correct determiner usage
an
Moreover
, businesses can approach their clients easily by creating content about their brands. For instance
, most clothing stores in Vietnam usually promote their products on social media
platforms to attract more customers. Consequently
, this
will contribute to the improvement of their business and increase their brand awareness
On the other hand
, I believe that social media
can have a detrimental impact on people’s mental health, especially young individuals who tend to prioritize online communication over in-person interactions. If they spend most of their time surfing the platforms, they may neglect their studies, hobbies, and relationships, potentially causing feelings of isolation. As a result
, the constant pressure to maintain a perfect online image can exacerbate anxiety and depression, particularly in vulnerable individuals. Furthermore
, as social media
becomes more popular, online crime also
increases, as it is challenging for the government to control all online activities effectively. For example
, scammers can contact a victim by phone or message, and require the victim’s information. If the victim provides it to them, their bank account will be completely emptied, or their personal details will be sold to others willing to pay for it. After that, with just one call, the victim not only remains unaware of the caller’s identity to report but also
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
level
of concern on social Add an article
the level
media
. As a result
, they may be less likely to believe any messages received by phone and have a negative impression of anything related to technology.
In conclusion, while
social media
has its benefits, it can also
have negative
impact on people’s mental health. Add an article
a negative
Therefore
, it is crucial to use it wisely to minimize its adverse influences.Submitted by weezel on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses both sides of the argument, which is excellent for achieving a balanced perspective. However, to improve, consider elaborating more on the positive aspects of social media and providing more varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, you can enhance coherence by using more explicit linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. For example, transitions like 'furthermore' and 'on the contrary' can be used more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear thesis statement and a summarizing thought.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the ways students stay connected with their families and the impact on businesses, which help in supporting your arguments effectively.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.