Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is not fair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous athletes can
gain
Verb problem
earn
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higher
paid
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pay
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than other fields of
people
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. It is argued by some
people
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, it is absolutely correct
whereas
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others think it is extremely unjustified. I believe that it is unfair
for
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to
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other important professions of
people
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. On the one hand, those
whom
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who
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believe that famous game players deserve a huge rate of money because they represent the country of all over the world and make proud of all the
people
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of nations
as well as
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create a world record of the country.
Furthermore
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, for all of
this
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, they can follow the proper diet and spend more
than
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apply
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time
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for practice. So, it is totally fair to earn a great
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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amount than other fields
people
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.
On the other hand
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, Some
people
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think that it is
fully
Rephrase
completely
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wrong with
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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stream
people
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.
Firstly
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, other important field workers spend more
time
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than
sport
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sports
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persons
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people
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.
For instance
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, the scientist can be innovated formulas, medicine, new technology and so on. For all of
this
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, they could be spending more
time
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in their life.
Secondly
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, sometimes, military employees
lost
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lose
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their lives for the country and for
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the nations
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nations
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nation's
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people
Use synonyms
, but
the
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in the
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end
of
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apply
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they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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famous and
not
Add a missing verb
did not
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gain a high salary.
According to
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me, it is unfair to other field employees because they
also
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do hard work and give
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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society and the nation.
For example
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, doctors take a high risk to save the life of other persons because
people
Use synonyms
’s life and
alive
Correct your spelling
lives
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is more important.
Thus
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, others should deserve a higher salary.
To conclude
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, some
people
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think that
succeeded
Replace the word
successful
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sports persons can deserve more money than other professionals
it
Correct word choice
because it
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is fair for them
while
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others think that it is unjustified to other professionals. I feel that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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it is unfair
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
other sector successful professionals.
Submitted by anitanayaka783 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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