IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #rules #laws
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Opinions are divided on whether the public has to follow regulations. I completely agree that
society
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 needs to be based on
laws
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. One field in which
laws
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 play a significant role is that of limiting the number of criminals. Evidence for
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in the facts that there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 a lot of
fightings
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fighting
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 when there were no strict and detailed regulations about hurting others,
whereas
Linking Words
 now majorities might be quite angry but avoid breaking
laws
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 mainly because they will face penalties and prison lives. Luckily, it builds people's awareness about the
consequence
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consequences
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 caused by their behaviours, greatly contributing to a safe community.
As a result
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, when people feel they are in a safe
society
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, they are more likely to focus on their jobs and families, improving their life satisfaction.
Consequently
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, their quality of life will be improved as well. Apart from the safety aspect, a number of business activities have
also
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 flourished under a well-structured law country and cooperation between companies has been fully supported.
For instance
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, based on business
laws
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, the competition between different brands can be kept on a healthy track, so it helps to develop healthy marketing.
This
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 is because if some companies break the rules and gain short-term money, they will be punished and the penalty may be higher than their profits.
Therefore
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, most companies will follow the
laws
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 to expand markets, which can help to form a strong regulation marketing environment, increasing business cooperation opportunities, which can
also
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 improve the economy. In conclusion, a safe public environment and a flourishing economy mentioned above show that regulations are necessary for
society
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.
This
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 shows that the proposition that
society
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 should follow rules and
laws
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 is true.
Submitted by careyche on

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Introduction & Conclusion Clarity
Be sure to include a more clearly defined introduction and conclusion. While your introduction and conclusion are present, making them more distinct and summarizing your stance and main points in the conclusion can enhance clarity and impact.
Use of Cohesive Devices
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the overall flow of the essay. Incorporating transitional phrases and varied sentence structures can make the connections between your ideas smoother.
Counter-Argument Integration
While your essay effectively addresses the task, incorporating a counter-argument before reaffirming your own stance could provide a more nuanced response and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
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