IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Currently, products of skin whitening or lightening are more profitable globally. Discuss the causes of this trend and its effect on health and the society. Use relevant examples from your experiences

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Skin
Use synonyms
 bleaching businesses have grown in net worth all around the world in recent times for a number of reasons;
however
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, there might be long term effects on their patronisers. These causes and repercussions are discussed
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, the
skin
Use synonyms
 lightening market has grown because some believe that the process aids an individual to exude beauty beyond the usual;
therefore
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 elevating the chances of being a centre of attraction wherever he/she is observed. A classic example is a sex worker who needs an advantage over her colleagues. A
skin
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 glow will make her more conspicuous and preferred by a customer. Not only that, these products
also
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 thrive
as a result
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 of spouse pressure to satisfy a partner who prefers a light skinned person.
Such
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 desperate partners are willing to carry out whatever it takes, including bleach of
skin
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, so as to preserve the healthy relationship.
However
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, there are health and societal implications of continued usage of these products.
Firstly
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, they decrease the width of the
skin
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 with time, that often result in poor wound healing and scarring after an injury.
For instance
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, a ghastly accident victim (with a bleached
skin
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) may suffer wound breakdown or non-alignment after adequate medical attention.
In addition
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, the society often perceives
such
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 persons with artificially whitened
skin
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 to be desperate, cunning and deceptive people, because they seek to alter their natural, God-giving nature to be acknowledged by others. To exemplify, if a businessman, who lightens his
skin
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 obviously, presents a million dollar proposal to a very moral and profit driven CEO, he may lose the deal to his competitor just
as a result
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 of that fact. To recapitulate,
although
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skin
Use synonyms
 whitening may be more nowadays, it has its debilitating effect on the body and the individual's perception by others. The appropriate government agencies should create more awareness about the use of these commodities.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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