IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You are bothered by the amount of trash in your local park.Write a letter to the head of the city park department .In your letter: • Describe the problem with the trash • Explain why it is a problem • Say what you think the city should do.

#amount #trash #park #head #city #department
Dear Sir,
This
 is to call your attention to the amount of trash in the
park
. I have noticed
this
 for a
while
 now as I love to go to the
park
 most evenings with my kids to enjoy
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 nature and beauty. It’s been drawing lots of attention to birds and cats which eventually spread it all over the environment thereby making it impossible to relax or take a walk in. There are residents around the
park
 with little children as well and the pollution caused by the pungent smell evolving from the trash is not hygienic which could in a way cause food poisoning. There used to be a time when the waste management company
visits
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 the
park
 thrice every week, which has significantly reduced, I implore you to look into
this
 and have them remove the waste every other day,
this
 I’m sure would make the
park
 a beautiful place to be once again. Hope to see positive changes soon.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 Faithfully Natthawut
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure there is a clear and comprehensive address of all points presented in the task. Include more detailed suggestions on how the problem can be solved beyond increasing the frequency of waste management visits. Consider proposing community involvement or awareness programs.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make good use of linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. While your structure is clear, varying your connectors more could improve the flow of your letter. Try incorporating phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition to', or 'As a consequence', to connect your ideas more smoothly.
general
To further improve the letter, ensure you vary your sentence structures and include a wider range of vocabulary. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: