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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is sometimes thought that the people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 believe that individuals who visit foreign countries are more open-minded than
people
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 who do not
travel
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, and they readily accept and adapt to other
cultures
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. Personally, I agree with
this
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 statement because of the reasons which will be discussed in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, travelling allows
people
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 to interact with different
cultures
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, and,
as a result
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,
this
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 social interaction can affect their personality to a great extent.
In other words
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, when
people
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 go to different countries, they have to face unfamiliar situations and deal with diverse
people
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. Experiencing
such
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 strange circumstances does not only make them broaden their horizon but
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them more adaptable to
people
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 in different circumstances.
According to
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 a University of California study,
people
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 who
travel
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 more become more tolerant to change, and
therefore
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, they become more accepting when it comes to different
cultures
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.
Conversely
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,
people
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 who are not exposed to different
cultures
Use synonyms
 by travelling might be narrow-minded compared to
people
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 who
travel
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 overseas frequently. Before
people
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 start travelling, it is easy to get into a comfortable little corner where the world revolves around what they believe, and what they believe is shaped by what their parents taught them and what they hear on the local news.
Therefore
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, it is not only extremely challenging for them to embrace change, but
also
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 it is inconvenient for them to understand and accept
people
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 who live a different lifestyle. In conclusion,
people
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 who
travel
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 more learn acceptance and tolerance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 others because they are exposed to various
cultures
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,
whereas
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people
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 who do not
travel
Use synonyms
 are less open to understanding other individuals. Personally, I believe that
this
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 statement is accurate.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed clearly and effectively in the essay. Develop your arguments with more depth and specificity to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use transitions effectively to enhance the cohesion between paragraphs and sentences.
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