IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You have bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems. You returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Introduce yourself Explain the situation Say what action you would like the company to take

#camera #home #company #representative #week #situation #action
Dear Sir Or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction regarding your service . My name is Sunny and I am a photographer. I want to inform you that On November 24, I purchased a new Canon
camera
 from your showroom . Actually, when I reached home
then
 I noticed that there was some problem with the
camera
. When I clicked a picture, the pixels were not clear. Immediately, I rushed back to your shop and informed your salesman about all the issues. He checked it properly and told me that its lens was not properly fixed. Being a photographer I need to photoshoot every day so I suggest your employee to
fixed
Change the form of the verb
fix
show examples
 it or replace the
camera
 as soon as possible .
However
, it was the
last
 piece in your shop and your employee tried to fix it and it took almost 2 hours but
at the end
, he said we will replace your
camera
 and deliver to your home within 2 days. Honestly, I really feel disappointed , It has been one week but still, I did not get my
camera
. As I am a professional I cannot wait anymore because it affects my whole work. Could you please deliver my
camera
 as soon as possible
otherwise
 I need my refund. Looking forward to your prompt response. Yours faithfully, Sunny Garg.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter is structured fairly well, with a clear introduction and paragraphs that mostly focus on single ideas. However, the transitions between the ideas could be smoother, which would strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the letter.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate, but to enhance the formality of the letter, consider including the name of the representative if it is known, or a more specific department within the company. This would make the letter more direct and personal.
task achievement
You've done well in addressing all parts of the prompt efficiently. To strengthen your task achievement further, consider providing a bit more detail about the impact this issue has had on your work, which can emphasize the urgency of your request.
task achievement
The tone of the writing is mostly suitable for a formal complaint letter. To enhance the formality, avoid using contractions (e.g., replace 'I'm' with 'I am', 'don't' with 'do not'), and be more mindful of word choice and sentence structure to maintain a consistently formal tone throughout the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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