Multi-cultural societies, which are a mixture of different ethnicity people, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. Do you agree or disagree?

#societies #mixture #ethnicity #people #country

We are currently living in a modern society when an increasing number of immigrants based on various ethnicities are mixing into. While some argue that these multicultural societies can bring us drawbacks, I believe that

this

phenomenon has more positive impacts. On the one hand, specific sorts of criminal cases have been on a rise in multicultural countries. It is not surprising that ethnic ghettos may be prevalent in interconnected countries, as poorer-wealthier group gaps based on ethnicities are becoming more deteriorated. More specifically, in New York, where is one of the biggest cultural melting pots, Harlem Street is well-known as the notorious crime rate. Aside from that, racism may occur as a social problem. Some ignorant ethnicity group may have thought that they are superior to others, and

thus

they can underestimate people from different cultural and religious backgrounds and commit hatred crimes. Despite these drawbacks, ethnic diversity benefits societies, affecting business, personal experiences and tourism. From an economic perspective,

firstly

, multinational enterprises

show

Suggestion

shows

more flexible and innovative decision making from combinations of employees hailed from various educational, cultural, and vocational backgrounds.

Secondly

, individuals in multicultural countries are more likely to embrace diversities and be open-minded through experiences of making friends rooted in another country. Multicultural societies can provide

people

Suggestion

peoples'

experiences exposing

Accept comma addition

experiences, exposing

to exotic cultures without travelling abroad.

Finally

, multicultural countries can attract tourists with many culturally featured places.

For example

, Singapore, which Malay, Indian and Chinese ethnics all combined together, shows all cases mentioned above with great economic progress with

harmony

Suggestion

harmonised

harmonising

harmonized

harmonizing

policies implemented after independence. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for and against multicultural societies, but I believe that it is more beneficial than harmful to communities.

Submitted by hyeji.jung on Mon Oct 07 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Multi-cultural societies, which are a mixture of different ethnicity people, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Million of dolllars are spent on space research every year.SOme peole argue that the money should be spent on improving live standards on teh earth

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.