IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, children under 16 years old are not allowed by law to leave school and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion.

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In many countries,
children
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 under the age of 16 are legally prohibited from full-time
employment
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 to safeguard their right to
education
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.
This
Linking Words
 regulation ensures that young individuals remain in school, equipping them with the necessary knowledge and skills for future career development and better job opportunities.
However
Linking Words
, child
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labor
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labour
show examples
 remains prevalent in low-income families, where financial constraints force
children
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 to contribute to household expenses or fund their
education
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. Many students take up part-time jobs as newspaper vendors, waitstaff, or retail assistants, which often results in reduced study time and lower academic performance.
Furthermore
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, jobs available to minors typically require minimal skills and qualifications, trapping them in a cycle of low-wage
employment
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 with limited career advancement prospects.
This
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, in turn, negatively impacts their long-term professional growth. Beyond financial concerns, child
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labor
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labour
show examples
 exposes minors to hazardous and exploitative working conditions, particularly in informal sectors where
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labor
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labour
show examples
 laws are not strictly enforced. Many
children
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 are compelled to undertake physically demanding tasks that require the endurance of an adult,
such
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 as lifting heavy loads or working extended hours in the service industry. The absence of workplace regulations
further
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 exacerbates their vulnerability, putting their physical and mental well-being at risk. By mandating school attendance and restricting full-time
employment
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 for young individuals, governments can protect
children
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 from exploitation
while
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 ensuring they grow up in a safe and supportive environment.
Additionally
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, implementing policies
such
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 as extended school hours and fully subsidized
education
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 would provide underprivileged
children
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 with equal access to quality learning opportunities, eliminating the need for them to work at a young age. In conclusion, banning full-time
employment
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 for minors is crucial to safeguarding their future.
While
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 economic hardships may compel some
children
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 to seek work, comprehensive educational reforms and financial assistance programs can mitigate
this
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 necessity. Ultimately, prioritizing
education
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 over child
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labor
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labour
show examples
 will lead to a more skilled and prosperous workforce in the long run.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses the prompt effectively. You have weighed both sides of the argument, which is commendable. However, to further enhance your response, consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially regarding the dangers of child labor and the benefits of education.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay is strong, with clear paragraphs that logically flow from one to the next. You have good transitions between ideas. However, to improve cohesion, try to link your points back to your main argument more explicitly, ensuring that each point reinforces your stance.
task achievement
Your introduction succinctly sets up the discussion by stating the importance of the regulation in protecting young individuals' rights to education, which is a strong basis for the essay.
task achievement
You effectively discuss the consequences of child labor and how it affects both education and future job opportunities, showing a well-rounded understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • exploitation
  • educational attainment
  • critical thinking
  • workforce
  • professional development
  • career prospects
  • low-wage work
  • innovative
  • global economy
  • environments that prioritize health
  • dropout rates
  • specialized training
  • personal development
  • advancement opportunities
What to do next:
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