IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #countries #effects
In well-developed countries, an increasing number of children are suffering from
obesity
 which is an alarming situation.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
 problem and will
also
 state the consequences of
obesity
. One of the major reasons behind the
youth's
Suggestion
youth
obesity
 is an unhealthy eating habit. Many children routinely consume junk food or processed food like pizzas and burgers. These food items
are not just of
Suggestion
are not just
 low quality, they
also
 contain high levels of bad fat.
for
Suggestion
For
 example, a regular size pizza contains 3 times more fat than a normal meal. Another major reason for children getting overweight is an unhealthy lifestyle. Nowadays, scientists have invented so many gadgets and appliances which have reduced the required human effort. With the easy access to
such
 devices to children in well-developed countries, they are not required do take much physical work which in a way makes them lazy and inactive. The children often spent time playing games on mobile and computers and do not engage in outdoor sports making them less active and leading them towards
obesity
. While there is a visible ill-effect of
obesity
 on the
children
Suggestion
child's
children's
 body, there are many other invisible ill-effects as well. An obsessed
person
 has 70%
high
Suggestion
higher
 chances of getting
heart stroke
Suggestion
a heart stroke
 compared to
normal body weight
Suggestion
a normal body weight person
person
. It can
also
 make children victims of body
shaming which
Accept comma addition
shaming, which
 in turn can hamper the confidence of an individual. Not just that, the recent studies have shown that a life expectancy of an obese
person
 is 30% less compared to a fit
person
. To summarize, an unhealthy diet and an inactive lifestyle have caused many
children
Suggestion
child
obesity
 which can have serious health hazards a future which is a real thought-provoking situation
for
Suggestion
in
 modern countries.
Submitted by thucnguyen0306 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: