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Band 7.5

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobby
Many people think that hobbies should have a difficulty level to be entertaining. I disagree with the idea of difficulty bringing enjoyment to specific activities . Because of the troublesome moments, many individuals lose their excitement and avoid doing stressful tasks.
Firstly
, if people cannot achieve the task because of obstacles in some ways, gradually their interest will decrease. Hobbies are identified as someone's ability to sustain unusual habits that create excitement for them. The reason for the particular circumstance is related to the fear of constant failure. Complexity can fade interest in activity
while
 causing unwillingness.
Such
 situations make individuals so tired that eventually, they decide to give up and find a new sphere where they won't feel overwhelmed.
Secondly
, hobbies should give satisfaction not stress. Each individual has a specific reason or goal for doing leisure time activities. Some can feel relaxed and restock energy, meanwhile others may have strong feelings, like passion and fulfilment as doing it.
Thus
, it would give a taste of a unique experience that will improve new life skills with time.
For instance
, during
meditation
Add a comma
meditation,
show examples
 many can observe inner peace and develop tolerance in their body.
This
 practice requires maintaining deep focus and patience,
hence
 any possible difficulty can distract the process of meditating. In conclusion, some people assume complexity may increase the level of leisure interests and make it enjoyable.
However
, I do believe that complex structures pose obstacles to enjoyment making them feel unwilling to continue tough activities like that .
Furthermore
, stress caused by hardness may affect satisfaction in the end.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, vary your sentence structures more and use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with specific, varied examples. This will help demonstrate your ability to extend your ideas and provide comprehensive arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and logically developed throughout the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the task prompt thoroughly, providing a clear argument against the difficulty in hobbies.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
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