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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.
#show #numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #surveys #visit #two #period
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The table demonstrates total numeric statistics
while
Linking Words
 charts represent the satisfaction proportions of the
visitors
Use synonyms
 who came to see Ashdown
museum
Use synonyms
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 before and after its renovation. (29) In tabular data, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased from 74,000 in the former
year
Use synonyms
 to 92,000 in the lateral
year
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in
charts
Correct article usage
the charts
show examples
, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who are very satisfied
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 went significantly high from 15 to 35 in the
year
Use synonyms
 after its redecorated. A similar rising trend of
visitors
Use synonyms
, from 30 to 40, is recorded for those who are satisfied with their visit to the
museum
Use synonyms
. In contrary, for dissatisfied people and very satisfied people,
this
Linking Words
 figure decelerates sharply from 40 to 15 and from 10 to 5 in the
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who give
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 response regarding their visit to Ashdown
museum
Use synonyms
 remains constant in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both years. (116)
Thus
Linking Words
, the
visitors
Use synonyms
 feel more satisfied after the
museum
Use synonyms
 was renovated as is shown by the output of the Survey.
Submitted by mfarhan.taseer on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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