IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

more and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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The
number
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 of people with obesity conditions are increasing over the period. It is argued that making the
price
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 of
junk
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food
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 higher is a good solution for
this
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 case. I agree with
this
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 statement, and
this
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 essay will describe how the high
price
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 of cigarettes can affect the consumption of
this
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 item, and
secondly
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, how higher prices could lower the
number
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 of consumption.
To begin
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 with, higher excise on cigarettes has proven to be successful at curbing the harm caused by these substances. These policies that running by many countries have made the tobacco become an expensive thing that not worth the money to be spent for.
Therefore
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, many people prefer to stop or minimize the frequency of smoking habits, and the
number
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 of people with respiratory problems are significantly decreased.
For example
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, many developed countries
such
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 as Australia have the regulation that makes the
price
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 of tobacco is dramatically expensive compare with Indonesia.
Hence
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, in 2017, the
number
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 of people struggling with lung cancer dropped in Australia, while it is rising gradually in Indonesia.
Furthermore
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, the rising of the
price
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 is in line with the declining of people consuming fast
food
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. People tend to buy
junk
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food
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 because it is cheap and simple. By increasing the
price
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,
junk
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food
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 will soon become a luxury item and it would be consumed occasionally, and people may search for other alternatives because the
price
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 that fast
food
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 is not equal to the value it brings.
For example
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, if the
price
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 of fast
food
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 is higher than fried rise and other healthier foods, people will prefer to choose the options because it more cheap and possibility has more portion than fast
food
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. In conclusion,
junk
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food
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 prices should be increased because of the good precedent set by cigarettes and the fact that the increased cost will reduce the amount of fast
food
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 consumed by the society, and the results, might be reduce the percentage of overweight issues.
Submitted by nitadwipsari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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