IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate over regulating the level of
violence
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 in
movies
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, with some saying the government should control it and others arguing that it should not be regulated.In my opinion,
while
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 when it is not in control has many benefits, when it is regulated it will not affect young audiences.
While
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 there are many reasons why the extent of violent content in
movies
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 should not be regulated the main reason it might lose its special features.To clarify, every movie includes
violence
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such
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 as war films, crime dramas,historical dramas, thrillers and similar genres.If they do not show violent scenes it might be difficult to understand
as well as
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 not engaging.
As a result
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, individuals might not want to watch these kinds of
movies
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 and the percentage of viewers can decrease.
Thus
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, for these reasons, if it does control, it will be really engaging for both movie makers and audiences.
On the other hand
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, there are many advantages of controlling the level of
violence
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 in
movies
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 on TV and at the cinema by the government.First of all, these
movies
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 can be watched by all ages, from young to old.
In particular
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, children are especially impacted emotionally when they watch
such
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movies
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.
For example
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, violent scenes can lead to fear, anxiety and aggression in children.
In addition
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, it does not only impact emotionally but it affects children’s behaviour.To be clear, youth viewers tend to try to imitate actions seen on screen.
This
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 can lead to harmful behaviour in both public and private settings.
Therefore
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, for these reasons, it should be regulated. In conclusion,
although
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 there are many benefits to not regulating the degree of
violence
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 in
movies
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, I personally believe that it must be controlled, as doing so helps protect younger people.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity and grammatical accuracy in your sentences. For instance, the phrase 'while when it is not in control has many benefits' is confusing and should be rephrased to enhance understanding.
Task Achievement
Try to explain the advantages of violence in film more thoroughly. You could strengthen your argument by providing specific examples of films that effectively incorporate violence for narrative purposes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, starting a new point with 'On the other hand' is good, but consider varying your transitions for improved coherence.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your writing includes a clear opinion stated in the introduction and reinforces that opinion in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • regulation
  • vulnerable groups
  • age restrictions
  • censorship
  • real-life aggression
  • healthier society
  • creative freedom
  • free speech
  • artistic vision
  • cultural narratives
  • personal responsibility
  • viewing choices
  • balanced approach
  • rating systems
  • parental guidance
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