IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Q: Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#q #people #technology #companies #data #exchange #access #software #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
More and more people nowadays are sharing their personal information with technology companies to gain
access
 to software applications.
This
 essay will argue that despite there being the dangers of personal data being sold to other companies, the benefits of
access
 to updated technology far outweigh the drawbacks. Most of the software companies request the
user
 to share their personal data of their mobile phones and laptops which is later sold to advertising companies. These
third
 party applications
then
 send notifications and pop-ups whenever the
user
 uses
internet
 services. The pop-up advertisements are generally related to the most searched or typed topics of interest by the
user
.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the Cyber Security Department concluded that 89% of the advertisements that pop-up on the
internet
 are the once searched on Google.
However
, sharing data over
internet
 to these companies is at the discretion of the
user
 and they must be conscious of their own actions. Gaining
access
 to software helps in acquiring new and updated versions of these applications.
That is
 to say that
this
 is the easiest way of keeping yourself up-to-date with the latest technology which makes life easier.
For instance
, Google Pay is an application that requires users to share their Bank details.
This
 mobile application allows a
user
 to pay electricity bills, mobile bills, and other purchases made over the
internet
instead
 of personally making payments at the concerned offices, all through the bank maintained by the
user
 at any time of the day.
This
 benefit means that the person has enough time to carry out other important works without worrying about the payments. In conclusion, gaining
access
 to new applications to make life easier in return of personal information to companies far outweighs the drawback of data being sold to advert companies.
Submitted by raisabegum90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • opt to
  • enhanced user experience
  • personalized recommendations
  • user satisfaction
  • streaming services
  • innovate and develop
  • technological advancements
  • artificial intelligence
  • automation systems
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • monopolistic behaviors
  • reduced competition
  • data and personalized settings
  • vast amounts of data
  • potential invasion of privacy
  • loss of trust
  • increased dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: