IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Q: Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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More and more people nowadays are sharing their personal information with technology companies to gain
access
Use synonyms
 to software applications.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that despite there being the dangers of personal data being sold to other companies, the benefits of
access
Use synonyms
 to updated technology far outweigh the drawbacks. Most of the software companies request the
user
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 to share their personal data of their mobile phones and laptops which is later sold to advertising companies. These
third
Linking Words
 party applications
then
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 send notifications and pop-ups whenever the
user
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 uses
internet
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 services. The pop-up advertisements are generally related to the most searched or typed topics of interest by the
user
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey conducted by the Cyber Security Department concluded that 89% of the advertisements that pop-up on the
internet
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 are the once searched on Google.
However
Linking Words
, sharing data over
internet
Use synonyms
 to these companies is at the discretion of the
user
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 and they must be conscious of their own actions. Gaining
access
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 to software helps in acquiring new and updated versions of these applications.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that
this
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 is the easiest way of keeping yourself up-to-date with the latest technology which makes life easier.
For instance
Linking Words
, Google Pay is an application that requires users to share their Bank details.
This
Linking Words
 mobile application allows a
user
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 to pay electricity bills, mobile bills, and other purchases made over the
internet
Use synonyms
instead
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 of personally making payments at the concerned offices, all through the bank maintained by the
user
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 at any time of the day.
This
Linking Words
 benefit means that the person has enough time to carry out other important works without worrying about the payments. In conclusion, gaining
access
Use synonyms
 to new applications to make life easier in return of personal information to companies far outweighs the drawback of data being sold to advert companies.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • opt to
  • enhanced user experience
  • personalized recommendations
  • user satisfaction
  • streaming services
  • innovate and develop
  • technological advancements
  • artificial intelligence
  • automation systems
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • monopolistic behaviors
  • reduced competition
  • data and personalized settings
  • vast amounts of data
  • potential invasion of privacy
  • loss of trust
  • increased dependency
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