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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

#parents #kids #toys #child
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In recent years,
toys
 have become a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
primary need for
children
. As long as the
kids
 are happy, their parents often buy them various kinds of
toys
 to play with.
Although
 their
children
 are happy, buying a large number of
toys
 will have
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consequences. The advantages and disadvantages of having an
an
Remove the redundancy
apply
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abundance of
toys
 will be presented in
this
 essay.
Firstly
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 often think that
kids
 have to avoid using gadgets.
Therefore
, they should seek for replacements of it.
As a result
, they buy
toys
 for their
children
 and find that it is an effective way to aim for the minimalised time spent by the
kids
.
Secondly
,
toys
 have become more varied nowadays. Most of them are chosen by parents to stimulate
children
's brains since
toys
 with educational purposes have gone through a long process to meet the standards that have been enacted.
However
, a large number of
toys
 are often thrown away as the
kids
 grow older. It will only become trash without any function. Most of the
toys
 are made of plastic materials which are difficult to absorb by nature.
This
 is going to burden the environment and cause some bad effects. So it is important for elder people to choose recyclable products and eco-friendly claims.
Finally
, some considerations should be formulated before buying
toys
. Parents must be open-minded and have an awareness of the positive and negative impacts of
toys
 both on
children
 and the environment. So it will be much easier for them to determine which of the
toys
 should be taken or dumped.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure correct and consistent verb tenses throughout your essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, such as 'transitioning from...,' 'in contrast to...,' etc., to strengthen the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Use synonyms or alternative expressions to diversify your language and make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Focus on directly addressing both parts of the question — the advantages and disadvantages — by providing clear, balanced examples for each to fully meet the task requirement.
task achievement
Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of your argument, reflecting on the implications or suggesting a solution to balance the positive and negative aspects discussed.
task achievement
Double-check for and correct any redundant words or grammatical errors, such as 'a a primary need' and 'elderly often think,' to enhance clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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