Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe that it would be the right decision to make military service mandatory for younger pupils of the country. I disagree with
this
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viewpoint because these programmes are difficult to understand for normal people and it will reduce career opportunities for young men and women.
Firstly
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, these schemes are designed for those students who can perform intense tasks
,
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apply
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and are mentally prepared for any challenge.
This
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is to say, not only do these projects demand commitment from children who are enrolled in military schools, but
also
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require a high level of competence to be able to participate in staff training.
Moreover
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, these programmes are costly, and any normal person cannot afford to pay the fees of these institutions.
For example
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, the admission fee for USA's Military Academy is about 30000 dollars per year which is significantly higher for any average student.
Secondly
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, after graduating from these establishments, military personnel have fewer career prospects as compared to fresh graduates from the university.
Furthermore
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, these students can only perform those tasks which are related to security and strategic planning,
while
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children who have studied a science course can do multiple assignments at once.
For instance
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, with the help of artificial intelligence, many young students are learning new techniques and skills, which would facilitate them in their future employment. In conclusion, despite some career prospects of military training, the overwhelming majority of people want to study dynamic subjects which are more advanced and could be useful in the future. I believe that it would be inappropriate to force children to learn those subjects which will hinder their capabilities.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction; currently, it's a bit vague. Clearly state your opposition to compulsory military service.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Transition phrases could improve readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples relevant to your arguments. Rather than just mentioning costs, explore how military service might impact career paths more broadly.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic by presenting a clear viewpoint and attempting to support it with relevant points.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the military academy's fees, shows a practical understanding of the economic aspects of military service.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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