IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays for many contemporary artists selling their artwork is the only way of generating revenue.
Although
Linking Words
 lots of reputed artists attain a great deal of money in exchange
of
Suggestion
for
 what they create, others hardly earn a sufficient amount to survive. It has triggered strong debates whether they should be funded by
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
.
In
Suggestion
From
 my perspective government should provide financial support for some projects. In current situation mainstream artwork attracts significant attention
thus
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 style is the one that generate
highest amount
Suggestion
the highest amount
 of income for artists. These facts discourage artists from diverging conventional trends. Whereas financial support from
government
Suggestion
the government
 can
boost
get the better of
best
 practice of less popular styles and help
development
Suggestion
the development
 of new styles without the risk of financial stability. In film industry
Use synonyms
art movies
Accept comma addition
art, movies
 which are produced specially for
film festival
Suggestion
the film festival
 are already sponsored by private organizations. That help filmmakers to
emphsize
special importance or significance
emphasis
emphasize
 on
artistic elements
Suggestion
the artistic elements
 of their work rather than focusing on commercial details.
As a result
Linking Words
 an
enourmous
extraordinarily large in size or extent or amount or power or degree
enormous
 improvement can be seen in
Use synonyms
art movies
Accept comma addition
art, movies
 compared to
Linking Words
last decade
Suggestion
last decades
the last decade
. In popular
culture
Accept comma addition
culture, art
art
Use synonyms
 major is considered to be one of the riskiest career
path
Suggestion
paths
 for
teenagers especially
Accept comma addition
teenagers, especially
 in countries where medicine, engineering and military industries are well developed.
Main culprit
Suggestion
The main culprit
 here is obviously financial
unstability
an unstable order
instability
. Gaining a reputation in
Use synonyms
art world
Suggestion
the art world
 can take
years even
Accept comma addition
years, even
 for brightest talents which sometimes make new artist
to work
Suggestion
work
 in several jobs to survive or even
make them to choose
Suggestion
to make them choose
make them choose
 another career path. In
conculsion governmant
Accept comma addition
conclusion, government
conculsion government
conclusion government
conculsion governments
conclusion governmant
 can help new artist or artist who wants to try out
differnet
unlike in nature or quality or form or degree
different
 styles until they develop to their full potential and make a name for themselves in the sector.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: