These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behaviour

There is an increasing amount of

violence

broadcasted on television

nowadays which

Accept comma addition

nowadays, which

is having a negative effect on children's attitude. As children are very good

learners they

Suggestion

learners, they

adapt what they see immediately,

hence

when they watch destruction and

violence

on the screens they learn from it which reflects in their

behaviour

Therefore

, I completely agree with

this

statement that watching

violence

has a bad impact on children's

behaviour

. There is a school of thought which argues that the content shown on

has minimal effects on children's attitude, the environment of the house has the biggest impact on them.

For example

, if they see parents and other siblings fighting and arguing they will learn from it and

hence

results in negative

behaviour

Furthermore

, home is the place where children learn basic manners, when they are taught to behave well they will never adopt from anything negative they see

hence

there won't be any change in their

behaviour

regardless of the increasing amount of

violence

shown on

On the contrary

, in recent times

is the biggest source of learning in children. When the content telecasted on the

is violent children are definitely affected by it.

For example

, a study was conducted in a school in Karachi which showed that 90% children who indulge in bullying and fighting learnt it from

shows.

In addition

, kids are now extremely short-tempered and abusive, they want to be less answerable to their parents which is due to the content they see.

shows and cartoons show fight scenes, destruction and

violence

which

is seen

Suggestion

are seen

by vulnerable minds of kids and is depicted in their

behaviour

. In conclusion, negative change in children's attitude is due to the increasing amount of

violence

shown on television. I strongly agree with

this

as the screen time of children is more

hence

their

behaviour

reflects what they see on

. The screen time should be decreased so that

this

changing

behaviour

has positive effects.

Submitted by mic.jan.thomas on Tue Nov 05 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

0123456789.0505

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Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

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Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?