IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #idea #career #fashion #careers #money #education #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Making
money
Use synonyms
 from several ways/ career is different and persisting education at
right time
Suggestion
the right time
 has its own value,
Linking Words
however both
Accept comma addition
however, both
 points are valuable, and both should be debated before concluding.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
one
Use synonyms
 of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
 he always wanted to become a doctor and
one
Use synonyms
 fine day all his efforts/ hard work gave him what he really deserved; today he is running only his clinic and he is earning lots of
money
Use synonyms
, apart from
money
Use synonyms
 what he has got is satisfaction. So, my point here is that he has only
one
Use synonyms
 source of income which gives him all what he wanted. Now, few of them believe that we should have different ways of earning
money
Use synonyms
 which is not
wrong they
Accept comma addition
wrong, they
 have
kindly
Suggestion
kind
 of talent or believe that they can achieve in their lives and education can be continued in future. I know
few
Suggestion
a few
 of my relatives who
has not continued
Suggestion
have not continued
 their studies, but they have
different source
Suggestion
a different source
different sources
 of income and I call them successful business.
However
Linking Words
, there are some advantage / disadvantage of having single or several ways of earning
money
Use synonyms
. As mentioned above paragraph about
doctor
Suggestion
doctors
the doctor
a doctor
. He has
single source
Suggestion
a single source
 of
Use synonyms
money but
Accept comma addition
money, but
 apart of
Linking Words
this what
Accept comma addition
this, what
 else he has is time for family, peace of mind, healthy mind and
body but
Accept comma addition
body, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
 those who has several ways of earning
money
Use synonyms
 do not have above said points.
Conclusion, you can
Suggestion
In conclusion, you can
 have either
one
Use synonyms
 way of earning or several ways of
earnings
Suggestion
earning
 or you can complete your education now or
can be continue
Suggestion
can continue
 in future. The important part is that what makes you a good human being for family/ society. Whether it gives you happiness or it leads you to the busiest person. It must be chosen wisely.
Submitted by sudeepjain.1907 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: