IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The computers are widely used in education and some people think that teachers do not play an important role in the classroom. To what extent do you agree???

#computers #education #people #teachers #role #classroom
New technologies have performed a true revolution in
people
’s lives in the past decades, and it is not different when it comes to education.
While
 some
people
 believe that, with
growing
Add an article
the growing
show examples
 use of computers in the learning process,
teachers
 lost their importance in the classroom, I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not only nowadays, but
also
 in the future,
teachers
 will always play an essential role in
children
's education. Professors are considered the right guides
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our pupils.
While
 they teach educational content to
children
, they help with their personal development
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
For instance
,
children
 do not learn only specific subjects when they are at school,
learning
Wrong verb form
they learn
show examples
 how to interact with other
people
 as well and
teachers
 play an important role in
this
 interaction. If these educators
would
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not exist, our
children
did
Verb problem
would
show examples
 not have the thought to discern
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wrong.
As a result
,
children
 would grow up without limits and ethics.
Furthermore
, some
people
 do not succeed
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the self-learning process. They need a person to show, at least, the basic topics and, from
this
 point, they can proceed properly. To illustrate, there is a growing number of
people
 who start an online course and never finish it, because they miss the engagement that
teachers
 provide to students. To solve
this
 problem, not only every school should have
teachers
 following a number of students, but
also
 online courses should have tutors available in case the student
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 their help. Evidently, students would be more satisfied and the number of withdraws would fall substantially. In conclusion, despite the space that computers have occupied in our
children
’s education,
teachers
 will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special place to guide pupils, helping,
consequently
, in their development as ethical human beings.
Submitted by deborazevedo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Great use of examples to support your points. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your opinion on the issue. Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the opposing argument and explaining why you disagree with it.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and logically organized. Work on linking your ideas more explicitly within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: