growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

The extent at which the rate of fat people has put on Hospitals

Accept space

can not be more emphasised. I agree with the view of introducing more physical education

exercise

to schools curriculum and

also

for people to watch what they eat

(

Accept space

(

diet).

To begin

with

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I recommend there that the ministry of education

make

Suggestion

makes

physical health education mandatory in all school curriculums for a duration of 1 -2hrs daily

Accept space

Starting from nursery to tertiary institutions. Based on

research 98

Accept comma addition

research, 98

% of people who

exercise

are less prone to any health issues

such

as diabetes and obesity and

they

definite article

the

rate of the people who does

exercise

live longer compared to those who do not

exercise

Furthermore

Accept space

if people personally take up the habit of watching what they eat

in addition

exercise

the less overweight people will be.

For

example my

Accept comma addition

example, my

aunty who was formerly obese in nature took up the task of

been

the state or fact of existing

being

healthy

Accept space

there by watching what she ate

Accept space

she stopped eating less junk food I.

Suggestion

eating from fast food and stopped taking carbonated drinks. Lost a lot pounds in flesh and body mass. To Sum up

Accept space

I agree with the view that if

exercise

is imputed into the curriculum of

school

Suggestion

the school

schools

. The less overweight people we have in the society.

Submitted by beckylabiran on Wed Nov 20 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

203 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are done by robots. Is this a positive and negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

University students always focus on one special subject but some people think university should encourage their students to study a range of subjects. To what extend do you agree or disagree?