IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

ome people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#ome #people #government #money #space #research #earth
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In the ultra-modern epoch, technology is proliferating on a daily basis.
However
, it is an argued issue whether the regime spent a colossal amount on space research or other masses say that a plethora of issues are still available on the land. Even though some folks disagree with the above notion, I believe that the research of the universe is indispensable for human beings. Commencing with the most salient reason why the regime should enormous amount of cash on
this
 experimentation. First and foremost, deterioration is surging day by day
due to
 the carbon monoxide which is released from vehicles, factories, electronic waste etcetera. Owing to
this
 deterioration, the major effect is shown on the greenhouse and after a long time, the life of the species is arduous on the earth. So, scientists are searching for another planet to live on with the help of the government. To illustrate, a spacecraft named Chanderyan launched from the Earth to Mars and it landed successfully and collected all the samples of many particles from Mars After scientists investigated these particles and
then
 they decided whether life is possible on Mars or not.
Hence
, through
this
 government can save human life.
On the other hand
, some folks say that on the surface there are numerous problems and authorities should solve these difficulties first. The major difficulty on the Earth is to regulate pollution since
this
 directly affects human beings and every year a plethora of lives are lost in every country. If the regime can control
this
, the effect on the greenhouse is reduced.
Hence
, the government need not indulge in
this
 research. In conclusion,
although
 lawmakers should mitigate the problem of pollution, I believe that they
also
 should try for a suitable environment for the folks on the other planet.
Submitted by harmanjotdhindsa on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on presenting your main points more clearly and directly. Avoid using overly complex or convoluted expressions as they can make your argument hard to follow.
Task Achievement
Try to directly address the prompt by stating your position more clearly in the introduction. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports your overall argument.
General
Pay attention to the precision and clarity of the language used. Strive for simpler, more direct sentences to effectively communicate your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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