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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98.
#first #results #survey #cross-section #people #period
The chart bar below shows the result of an enquiry made to 100.000
people
 from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 about the
reasong
Correct your spelling
reason
reasoning
reasons
 why they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 or not between 1994 and 1998. The main reason why
people
 decide to travel is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 there is a holiday and that trend stays
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years and goes up in the number of
people
 who do it, showing a small
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 only in 1995 when it changes from 15,246 in 1994 to 14,898 the
next
 year. "Business" has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
 place on the rate of reasons to travel and following the trend of holidays it has a steadily increasing growth, it starts in 1994 with 3,155
people
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and finishes in 1998 with 3,953. The
next
 place is for "visit to friends and relatives" which raises alongside years too and shows a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 in number with the previous category, starting
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 2,689 in 1994 and finishing in 1998
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 3,181. The final
cathegorie
Correct your spelling
category
categorise
 "other reasons" is the one with the lowest rates and shows a fall for the final year, in 1994 982
people
 travel for other reasons and it grows until 1997 when it reaches 1,054
people
 and
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
show examples
 to 990 in 1998.
Submitted by alexandritamc on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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