IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What methods can be used to tackle it?

#studies #children #time #tv #case #methods
Laurence J. Peter has rightly said that ‘Television has changed the child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.’ After coming home from school, children spend a lot of
time
 in watching
TV
instead
 of playing outdoor games and pursuing other creative hobbies like in the olden days. In the following paragraphs, I shall discuss the causes of
this
 phenomenon and
also
 suggest some ways forward. The
first
 and foremost cause of
this
 is that due to the satellite
TV
,
this
 medium is available all the
time
. So much so, that some channels are exclusively dedicated to children.
This
 has made it very easy for the parents who use TVs as baby sitters.
Secondly
, parents are busy to cope with the demands of the fast paced life of today and after coming home after a hectic
days
Suggestion
day's
 work do not have the energy to spend
time
 with their children. In earlier times, there were very few programmes for children and because of
slower life
Suggestion
a slower life
, even parents spent
time
 with children. The solutions are
simple but
Accept comma addition
simple, but
 the onus is largely on the parents. They should give quality
time
 to their children and ration their
TV
 viewing hours. Even the
time
 to play video games should be set properly. Outdoor activities should be encouraged and
neighbourhood
Suggestion
neighbouring
 societies should be formed where children can play outdoor games with each other. Parks should be maintained properly so that children have a safe place to play outdoors. To put it in a nutshell, I pen
down saying
Accept comma addition
down, saying
 that television and video games, in moderation, can be a good thing.
However
, excess of everything is bad and
therefore
 I believe parents should set viewing limits to ensure their children do not spend too much
time
 watching
TV
 and pursue other creative activities like they did in the earlier times.
Submitted by harsh.83477 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: