IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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A few individuals argue that the most pressing environmental challenge today is the extinction of various plant and animal
species
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. Others believe that broader environmental problems,
such
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 as climate change and
pollution
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, are of greater concern. Both perspectives have their merits and
this
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 essay will discuss them by adding some examples from my own knowledge and experience before presenting my own view.
To begin
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 with, many humans think that the extinction of certain
species
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 is the most urgent environmental crisis, as it disrupts ecosystems and food chains. That's to say, the loss of some
species
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 can cause ecological imbalances, impacting food production and climate regulation.
For instance
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, research conducted by the
WorldHealth
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world health
 organisation has shown that the reasons why animals are dying out are high population density, destruction of the habitat of
species
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, human activity on earth and other threats.
On the other hand
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, others claim that larger environmental crises,
such
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 as climate change and
pollution
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, are more critical concerns. Rising global temperatures could lead to melting glaciers, which could lead to the extinction of polar bears.
Moreover
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, climate-related and air
pollution
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 can lead to a variety of human diseases.
For example
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, the website IQAir has shown that those who live in areas with higher levels of air
pollution
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 face an increased risk of contracting the dangerous COVID-19 virus. In conclusion, both types of ecological challenges are widespread. In my opinion,
while
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species
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 loss is a significant sustainability concern, it is largely a consequence of broader crises
such
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 as global warming and contamination.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on both views, supported by relevant examples. You achieve a complete response by addressing all parts of the task.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant to the topic, they can be elaborated on further to provide more depth in your argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more complex transitional phrases to enhance the flow between your points.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both perspectives on the topic and presents a clear personal opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Examples such as those from the World Health Organization and IQAir add authority to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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