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Band 4

Many people buy new phones or laptops to keep up with the latest technology .is this a good or bad thing ?

#people #phones #laptops #technology
The development of technology
becomes
Verb problem
has
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 significantly
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
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 in recent years. The up-gradation of technologies has amplified
people
’s interest
to utilize
Change preposition
in utilizing
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 more. It is true that most
persons
Replace the word
people
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purchasing
Wrong verb form
purchase
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 recent mobile phones or gadgets, as it comes to the market once, so it is arguably good or bad.
This
 essay will discuss both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 aspects of uses and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 serious drawbacks, and a logical conclusion
is being
Wrong verb form
will be
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 derived
at the end
. On the one hand, undoubtedly, the technologies have grown unexpectedly at
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own pace
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
made
Wrong verb form
making
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 more comfortable and sophisticated. Recent developments have attracted humankind because ease their work more easily.
For example
, the transactions of money have become quite easy than bygone days.
Besides
, it has been done in less than seconds using the latest computer systems or gadgets with some mobile applications
includes
Wrong verb form
including
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 Google Pay and Phonephe.
Furthermore
, the advancements which develop the economy of a nation
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 a multitude of job opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
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 young
people
 directly and indirectly. Concerning the education sector, it leads to support teachers and scientists that aid them
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 the students and carrying out enormous
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 which
further
strengthening
Wrong verb form
strengthens
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 the educational departments. Admittedly,
on the other hand
, the growth of the technologies
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
trigger
Correct subject-verb agreement
triggers
show examples
people
 to buy the products as soon as released into the market.
Also
,
people
, especially young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 are more addicted to buying electronic products. The promoters
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
 announced discounts to cover the young generations. The situation of addiction
fulled
Verb problem
apply
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keeps changing the gadgets that
further
 pollute the environment,
for instance
, the growing amount of electronics waste.
Moreover
, in recent years, the children
are
Verb problem
have
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 not concentrated on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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 complained about by their parents.
Therefore
, young persons are more dependent on getting electronic items that
lead
Verb problem
make
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more perplexing and endangered. In conclusion, in recent times, the
trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
 to purchase cell phones or laptops is becoming enormous among the public. It is healthier to adopt and use technology for both personal and work, but control over the usage of these items is imperative.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. The essay lacks a strong thesis statement and the progression of ideas is not always clear. Work on organizing the ideas in a logical manner to improve coherence.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt and presents both positive and negative aspects of buying new phones or laptops. However, the ideas could be presented in a more organized and focused manner. Ensure that each paragraph is directly relevant to the task and that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

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