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Band 5.5

Some industrialized countries have serious environmental problems. The damage to the environment is an inevitable result when a country tends to improve the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #damage #environment #country
The improvement of
people
's living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 owes too much to the rapid
development
 of science and technology.
However
,
people
 nowadays are confronted with
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many problems,
such
 as the deterioration of the
environment
, air pollution and the explosive expansion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. Some
people
 claim that the damage to the
environment
 is an inevitable consequence of economic
development
. From my point of view,
this
 is only an excuse for the ignorance of environmental
protection
. In order to make more profit, some manufacturers and factories are only keen on the pursuit of profits, caring nothing about the
protection
 of the
environment
 and the recycling of
waste water
Correct your spelling
wastewater
show examples
.
For example
, about fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
 in Shenzhen possess a private car, and the ownership is increasing by 7,000 each month. The exhaust gas and irritating noise impair
people
's health greatly. The prosperity of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 is obtained at the cost of
people
's health and the damage to the
environment
. The lack of awareness of environmental
protection
 is another factor causing harm to the
environment
. Some near-sighted local governments are only concerned about economic
development
 but pay very little attention to environmental
protection
, misunderstanding the economic
development
 says for their achievements and that environmental
protection
 only
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 money. If
people
 and the authorities concerned have a long-term developing perspective, I think the
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to the
environment
 is avoidable.
Along with
 the
development
 of technology and
people
's living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
, the government should take effective measures to handle the problems arising. Meanwhile, the manufacturers and factory owners should consider not only economic profit but
also
 social benefits. If the government and
people
 can join hands in solving the environmental problems, we will enjoy an azure sky and flower fragrance in the near future.
Submitted by avna_nagpal on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows good coherence and cohesion with a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on ensuring a consistently logical and sequential progression of ideas throughout the essay for improved coherence and cohesion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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