IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In a number of countries some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new Railways land for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both the views.

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There is no denying that the number of
people
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 who agree with spending a large sum of money on constructing new railways land for very fast trains between
cities
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 increasing.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. I am going to discuss both views. On the one hand, some
people
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 who agree with investing in constructing new railways say it is necessary to invent faster trains these days. There are some reasons.
Firstly
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, inventing new fast trains between
cities
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 could make more efficient our lives.
For example
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, the public could spend more time enjoying hobbies or working by using faster transportation to commute.
Secondly
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, it is possible to solve
problems
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 which are called ‘traffic jams’ by a kind of hyperloop that works in the tunnel of ground.
According to
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 the CEO of Tesla, “We can solve significant
problems
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 by traffic jams and environmental issues”.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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such
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 as environmental campaigners argue that wasting of resources like commodities would be increasing.
This
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 issue would cause environmental
problems
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 and political issues at the same time.
In addition
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, we can use that money for other infrastructures of
cities
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 by investing in existing public transportation wisely.
According to
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 eminent scholars, if the government invest some budget in improving other infrastructures of
cities
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, plenty of
problems
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 in
cities
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 can be solved. In conclusion, the issue is still controversial over and over. Some economists say
this
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 will be an endless discussion because there is a correlation between investing in new public transportation and political issues.

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task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints as required by the prompt. However, your explanation for each viewpoint could benefit from more depth and further elaboration. Aim to extend your main points with additional reasons or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are relevant and clear, but they could be organized in a more seamless manner. Make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but providing more specific and detailed examples can strengthen your arguments further. Additionally, ensure each paragraph links back to the main thesis, making your argument more cohesive.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the topic by discussing both perspectives in a fair manner.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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